Complexities of a prince\’s life…

Too many thoughts running through my mind. I really want to post something relevant here (like Jaime’s current blog) but I’ve been keeping up with 7 hours of sleep for the last 2 days. Tomorrow’s statistic looks like: 12 hours of sleep for the last 3 days.

My head hurts. TV’s on. I was watching the Obama-Clinton news report a while ago and now they have Janet Jackson on Larry King Live. Is it just me or is she a little, you know, Paula Abdul-ish (as Danny Norriega would put it)?

Ok, enough of mundane stuff. Time to rest my eyes. But before that..

Random fact: The study or collection of trivia is called spermology. Quick question, anybody want to be referred to as spermologist? Lol

I dreamt about you last night.

We were supposed to meet at this infamous mall in Makati for dinner. All I can remember was that I was frantically running around the mall looking for a certain shop before our dinner. I think I was on my way to pick up something for you. That was it.

Then I dreamt about PGMA. Weird. A couple of friends and I were snowboarding and there she was (I’m not really sure if she was snowboarding or skiing as well. That would be double weird). But anyhow, I got the chance to shake her hand and manage to squeeze in a little chat.

—

Then back to reality.

You’re miles away and the thought of you just makes me want to be there. Before I went to sleep last night, I thought about you; how your weekend was gonna be like; if you’re doing ok.

I close my eyes and I remember the day I last saw you. We were sharing a bag of candies anxiously waiting for my driver. You either had a class or a meeting and needed to go back to school. I tried calling him a couple of times but couldn’t get a hold of him. I was happy to spend a couple of extra minutes with you (selfish as it may sound). And then finally, he picks up the phone. We dropped you at your school and we said our goodbyes. And that was it.

I miss you. I really really miss you.

—

The PGMA dream has a lot to do with all the hype of the ZTE scandal. Funny how these three letters – “Z” “T” “E” – will be engraved in Philippine politics from now on.

I have never understood Politics as a whole, or should I say politicians. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not as apathetic as before but it still intrigues me as to how rampant corruption and abuse of power are prevalent in most countries.

I don’t understand why people can lie, cheat, steal, and murder repeatedly. I don’t understand why someone could call the President (which is a lady) a bitch. I don’t understand why some politicians react to this whole brouhaha with the intent of gaining something for their favor. I don’t understand why most of us clamor for change when in fact we ourselves are not ready to change our ways.

We already know that most politicians are corrupt. And we constantly want to change who’s in power to somehow give us hope that maybe next time it will be different. In most cases, that doesn’t happen. We were left with a president who knew little about governance, a president who was linked with corruption, a president who allegedly had mansions and allegedly had off-shore accounts, and now, a president who allegedly cheated and whose husband and cabinet members are allegedly involved with corruption and greed.

Doesn’t anyone see the cycle here? Same old stuff people. Over and over again. Maybe, instead of focusing on who’s in charge, we should focus on policies: what we want to achieve. They may have power with passing laws but we all have a greater voice as to what we want as a society. Ask yourselves, have you ever tried to voice out your opinion. Or do we just vote our leaders, call it a day, and hope that they’ll do their job. Remember, they represent us. They have to abide with what they and their constituents believe and support. Maybe the reason why they’re not listening is because nobody’s talking or may be because few people want to be involved.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever understand a world (Politics) I would not want to be in right now. But I know for a fact that I have a voice. My own voice shaped by the culture I was brought up with and the principles I live by. And a bigger voice from up above that matters the most.

I feel so blah today. Haha! (forgive me, inside Joke. right Kris? :p)

Stoichiometry problems take me an average of 1.5 hours to solve. Sheesh. I’m taking a quick 5 right now.

No sleep + drastic change in weather + stoich HW = bloody nose (literally!)

Played basketball with Joey and Betty the other day. It was a fun round of Horse.

People are already asking what happens after my hiatus from drinking alcohol ends (4 more months btw).

Caring but not really showing you care hence reverse psychology effect with a hint of interest but still with a -i-could-care-less exit… priceless.

Most of you wouldn’t prolly know but my great grandmother is 1/2 Chinese. That makes me what? 1/16? Haha! Who cares? I don’t look Chinese, we don’t practice any Chinese traditions, we don’t even speak the language. The closest thing that’s Chinese in my family is when we all gather (yep, everyone including the kids) and play Mahjong. Haha! But that’s sorta Filipino in a way.

Btw, my mom is like the best Mahjong player I know. She can sit and play for hours!! When she went home last summer, they ended their session at 9 am the following day! I grew up watching her play, and back then, when the adults decided it was time to grab dinner, us cousins would play. Of course, no bets allowed.

The reason why I wanted to blog something about the Lunar New Year is because it’s my year! Yep, I’m a rat. Haha. Kuya Stan posted something about some characteristics of those people born on the year of the Rat and I found it quite amusing to say the least.

Anyhow, I already knew it was going to be a good year for me (see previous post a few weeks ago) but I didn’t quite expect that it’d be really great so far.

*My mom and I decided to start a business at home (PI) and so far, everything’s been going smoothly. I’m really excited about this because this is the first time I’ve invested on something. And it’s great that you have family at home that you can trust and are working hard to support you.

*Snowboarding was really awesome. I really improved compared to the last time I went to Big Bear. But I’m no pro yet. Will drive back and snowboard some more maybe this month or the next.

*Yesterday was the Chinese New Year and guess what? I was driving on my way to work when I got a call from school. Apparently, I won this raffle (I filled up some survey online which took me 8 minutes). I didn’t know people actually win this stuff. Haha! But anyway, I got my money earlier today.

*HOPE. Yep, I’ve got my hopes back. I’m holding on to it and I’m never letting go.

Chinese New year reminds me of a lot of things. I would usually greet Rosy at midnight. Shop around Binondo for some yummy food. Back in H.S., I would usually go with Rosy during lunch ‘coz she has some Tikoy. Haha! Watch TV Patrol and their report about the local festivities. Watch the dancing dragons at home and the fireworks display. Play Mahjong with cousins until the wee hours of the night. Make fun of the phrase “Kung Hei Fat Choy.” The list goes on.

So yeah. Happy New Year folks! Here’s to many wonderful things for the year. Have a safe one!

As I lay with the springtime breeze,

And looked at the sea of sparkling ores.

I heard your name with so much ease,

Against Poseidon’s loud surging roar.

Sabi nila minsan mauunawan mo ang mga bagay-bagay paglipas ng takdang panahon. Marahil, ikagulat mo ito sapagkat hindi mo inaasahan ang kahahantungan ng mga pangyayari. Ngunit yun mismo ang ikinaganda ng ating buhay. Yung tipong walang kasiguraduhan.

Hindi ko inasahang paglipas ng maraming taon eh bumalik ang nararamdaman ko para sayo. Pero hindi ko rin naman lubos na kinalimutan ang lahat. Hindi ko rin maikakailang isipin na hindi naman talaga nawala ang pagtingin ko sa iyo. Dahil kailan man, hindi iyon nangyari.

Dati ang dami kong gustong patunayan. Sa sarili ko, sayo, sa ibang tao. Ikaw yung una kong minahal. Ngunit hindi pa buo ang pagkatao ko noon. Ang dami kong naging pagkukulang at naging duwag ako sa nararamdaman ko.

Marami rin akong naging pagkukulang sa sarili ko. Marami rin beses nadapa. At alam kong patuloy na madadapa (hindi nga lang kasing dalas). Pero alam kong sa bawat pagdapa eh kaakibat nito ang pagbangon at ang pagkatuto sa mga pagkakamali.

Unti unti ko nang nararamdaman ang pagbabago. At masaya ako dahil maganda ang nakikita kong hinaharap. Mas buong ako. Yung ako na hindi natatakot magmahal. Yung ako na hindi naghahanap ng kapalit. Yung ako na kontento na magbigay ligaya sa anong paraang naisin mo.

Marahil nagtataka ka kung bakit ko ito sinasabi ngayon. Ilang taon ko rin kinumbinse ang sarili na mag-isip muna bago magsalita. Natutunan kong may mga pananagutan ka sa bawat pahayag na nais mong sambitin. At alam kong handa ako. Handa na ako.

Masaya ako. Masaya ako sa tuwing nakikita ko ang iyong mga nginti. At hindi ito katulad ng mga kantang puno ng magagarbong salita. Inihahayag ko lang ang nararamdaman ko at nagpapakatotoo ako.

May mga ilang buwan na rin nung nakita kita kasama ang pinakapaborito kong larawan. Sabi ko sa sarili, “senyales ba ‘to?” Ngunit alam kong maaring nagkataon lang ang lahat. Subalit, maaari ko pa rin bang sabihing nasa kontexto ng pagkakataon ang nararamdaman ko? Hindi. Hindi ko pinili pero nangyari.

Hindi ako umaasa sa kahit ano man. At hindi ko rin naman lubos maisip kung ano ang mangyayari sa hinaharap. Ngunit isa lang ang hindi ko maikakaila, ikaw pa rin ang mahal ko. At malinaw na ang lahat. Gusto kitang maging maligaya hanggang nabubuhay ako.

Pagnagmahal ka ng totoo at lubos, hindi ka umaasa ng kahit anong kapalit. Nagmamahal ka dahil wala ng ibang kayang ipahiwatig ang puso mo kung hindi iyon.

Minsan na akong umibig at tumalikod sa nararamdaman ko. At hindi ko na hahayaang mangyari iyon ulit. Kaya heto ako ngayon, ipinagsisigawan sa mundo na ikaw pa rin talaga. Ikaw pa rin. Ngunit walang pangako. Dahil may hangganan ang bawat salita. Bagkos, isang hiling. Hayaan mo akong patunayan ang lahat ng ito. Hayaan mo akong mahalin kang muli.

Mahal kita dahil sa mga ngiti mo. Mahal kita dahil napapagaan mo ang loob ko kahit hindi mo alam. Mahal kita dahil kahit na magmukha akong tanga sa harap ng kapatid ko dahil sa kakatalon noong isang linggo eh wala akong pakialam. Mahal kita dahil hanggang ngayon naalala ko pa yung araw na unang naghawak ang mga kamay natin, noong una kitang isinayaw pati na rin ang ikahuli. Mahal kita dahil may mga prisipyo kang handang ipaglaban. Mahal kita dahil bilib ako sa iyo at sa mga pangarap mo. Mahal kita dahil kahit ipikit ko ang mga mata ko, ikaw pa rin ang nakikita ko. Mahal kita dahil ikaw ka. Mahal kita.