I believe in love..

and happy endings.

I believe in love..

and happy endings.

 I lost “me.” You’re going 60 mph while I’m doing 70. I actually feel that I’m continuously losing every bit of who Rob used to be everytime we’re together. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with you. The problem is, you just don’t have the time to chill with me. You actually don’t have to listen but rather just look into my eyes and see right through me. But I don’t have anything against you. It’s just that I think I deserve better. I really do.

Top Ten Reasons why Rob needs a weekend getaway he can’t afford (due to: 1. Financial reasons, and 2. No time for such because of Saturday classes and the fast approaching finals week.)

1. I am a firm believer that one needs to spend time alone to actually be devoid of other people influencing you, your actions, and your emotions.

2. You actually have no right to hit me that hard. Or send text messages that are just below the belt even though it was meant to be a joke. I’m tired being the “bad guy.” Because I’m not.

3. Transferring to a university by Fall of this year has doubled my stress level and thus blocked the flow of positive energy throughout my body. I need to find a yoga place or a quiet place to do some meditating.

4. I hate the fact that I’m mad at you. I know I can’t stay mad at you for a long time because we’re such good friends but still. Maybe the only way I could cope with this is to let you know how I really feel: disappointed. You know what you did so I’m letting you know that I’m disappointed with myself too. You know why? Because I expected too much from you.

5. I’ve been going out a lot and staying up late and my body needs to recover. Anybody want to give me some Spa gift certificates? Don’t worry, I just need a massage and I’m good to go.

6. Melinda Doolittle got booted out of American Idol. It has become a popularity contest rather than a talent search. But all is good, we all know she won the whole thing without even going to the finale. C’mon now. Jordin is good but not great. And oh, try listening to Blake with your eyes closed and you’ll be “Wtf?!” (Let me piggy back the fact that Charla and Mirna lost as well as Yau-Man).

7. I actually am quite troubled with your sense of concern. Let’s see. First, you don’t know the real score. Second, I’m a grown ass man and I believe I am capable of looking out for myself. And lastly, you’re making me feel that I’m too dumb and naive about the whole situation. Which I’m not. So back off a little, my friend. Thanks, but not thanks.

8. Bills.. Bills.. Bills.. Camie is proving to be an expensive girl. But I’m not complaining. She deserves it. More on this on my next post. By the way, I’m taking her with me during the proposed weekend getaway. (I’m not looking forward to my next month’s credit card statement.)

9. Because I just say so. Yup. Rob needs a mini vacation. Haha! (Brat)

and..

10. I lost “me.” You’re going 60 mph while I’m doing 70. I actually feel that I’m continuously losing every bit of who Rob used to be everytime we’re together. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with you. The problem is, you just don’t have the time to chill with me. You actually don’t have to listen but rather just look into my eyes and see right through me. But I don’t have anything against you. It’s just that I think I deserve better. I really do.

During my volunteer work at the Braille two weeks ago, the class I was assigned to was given a project. The whole idea was to try to plant these seeds that were handed out during class, let it grow, and then write a song about it (it’s a song writing class if you’re wondering). The professor even handed me a seed, and even though I was just there to assist I was still included in the class. This I found out one day when all of a sudden he goes, “Ok Robert, it’s your turn. Read to us one of your works.” I remembered telling him how I write in my spare time but not really song lyrics. He goes on telling me that, sometimes the music follows what you’ve already written.

So, I was excited and optimistic about the whole project. I had the Rain Lilies and they looked nice in the picture. I went home, prepared the cup with a sponge and holes on the cover, and placed it near the door where there was ample sunlight and air. I was like, “Yey!”

But my “Yey!” eventually became an “Uh oh..” when I forgot about the whole project a couple of days after. There were already molds and the seed hasn’t really changed at all. I was disappointed with myself for not really exerting the effort and taking care of such a small task. But rather than really be all sad, I was trying to see the bigger picture. I knew I learned something from what just happened: I am not ready to be a dad.

You got that right: a father. Now don’t get me wrong but I really do feel excited about the whole idea of having a child. Maybe not in the very distant future. Well, not really in 5 years to be exact. I know that I have to be prepared for that financially, hence the time frame. But in some aspect of it, I can sense the joy and fulfillment of rearing a child, of being the best dad that I can be, and of all the wonderful things I want to teach my kid.

Having the time frame of more than 5 years, I thought to myself “Why don’t I get a dog first instead?” The thing is, I don’t have the place for a dog yet. So the moment I learned about the flower project, I knew I would start on that. It turns out that I’m a failure. But in every failure is a lesson learned. I just have to stand up, go on, and hopefully adjust and change. Besides, I have all the time in the world to prepare for being a dad: there’s no mom yet in the picture.

*** I suddenly missed my dad (which explains why I chose the title for this post). I hope all is well with him since I haven’t talked to him for 2 weeks already.

Whenever you get to that point in your life when you question all your actions, you must be certain that all the red flags are up. You should think more and act less. We really don’t want you in a very bad situation, do we?

But why do act as if we don’t care whether what we’re doing is not within our preconceived idea of what our principles in life are anymore? Is it the thrill of breaking the rules or are we unconsciously revealing our inner desires.

My friend Jack is a very good candidate for breaking “his” own rules. Jack is your typical I’m-single-looking-for-love type of guy. He’s had a few relationships but not really major ones. And he’s a virgin! Haha! Peace Jack. Let’s just say that he’s in his mid 20s so as not to embarrass him any further. (Note: I could care less if someone’s a virgin or not but society in general has a different take on this)

A couple of months ago, he meets this lady at a party. She’s a couple of years older than him. He recognizes her but does not make a big deal about it until the next time they see each other. He then feels the spark and we all know what happens right? Apparently not, well not in my case. I thought he would do the whole courting (pursuing someone) game, but no. He sleeps with her.

So he tells me that he did it because he just wanted to. No other reason whatsoever. Well, I think he likes her and that’s about it. The fuss here, ladies and gentlemen, is that I’ve been Jack ‘s friend for almost two years already. And he doesn’t seem to be the guy I just mentioned and described. But then, one can argue, people change. However, I can see in Jack’s eyes that he’s second-guessing his actions. So as a friend, what do I tell him? I am not a relationship guru (very very far from becoming one) and he’s old enough to really face the consequences of his actions. Heck, he’s older than me! But maturity bears no age.

Jack doesn’t read my blog but I’ll still pretend that he’d read this. (Don’t worry I’ll talk to him face to face) Jack, as long as you don’t hurt other people, as long as you keep your principles and morals in check, as long as you continue to grow as a person, I’d be supporting you all the way. I know you and I know that you are way better than what you’ve become. It’s never too late..

I’ve got less than three years to get married according to this survey. Haha! Not gonna happen! Lol. Or maybe, what this is telling me is that, I am ready to get married by 25. Gee..

TAKE THiS QUiZ TO FiND OUT WHAT YOU
MARRiAGE AGE iS:[X] I know how to make a pot of coffee.
[X] I keep track of dates using a calendar.
[X] I own more than one credit card.
[ ] I know how to change the oil in my dads car.
[X] i can wash my clothes
[ ] I vote every election.
[X] I can cook for myself.
[X] I think politics is exciting.
[ ] I balance my checkbook.
[ ] My parents have better things to say than my friends.

total: 6

[ ] I show up for school/college/work every day early.
[ ] I always carry a pen in my pocket/purse.
[ ] I’ve never gotten a detention.
[ ] I have never smoked a cigarette.
[X] I have never gotten completely trashed.
[ ] I have forgotten my own birthday at least once.
[X] I like to take walks by myself.
[X] I’ve watched talk shows.
[X]I know what ‘credibility’ means without looking it up.
[X]I drink coffee at least once a week. total: 5

[X] I know how to do the dishes
[X] I can count to 10 in another language.
[ ] When I say I’m going to do something I do it
[X] My parents trust me.
[ ] I can mow the lawn.
[ ] I can make adults laugh without being stupid.
[ ] I remember to water the plants.
[X] I study when I have to.
[X] I pay attention at school/college.
[ ] I remember to feed my pets.

total: 5

[X] can spell ‘experience’ without looking it up
[X] I work out on a regular basis.
[X] I clean up my own mess.
[ ] The people at Starbuck’s know me by name.
[ ] my favorite kind of food is take out.
[X]I have gained weight since middle/high school.
[ ] The first thing I do when I wake up is get caffeine.
[ ] I cant go to the store without getting something I don’t need.
[ ] I understand political jokes the first time they are said.
[ ] I can type quickly.

total: 4

[X] I have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour.
[ ] My only friends are from my place of employment.
[ ] I have been to a tupperware party
[ ] I have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[ ] I have more bills than I can pay.
[ ] Most of my friends are older than I am.
[X] I can say no to staying out all night.
[X] I use the internet every day.
[X] My wardrobe hasn’t changed in a while.
[X] I can read a book and actually finish it.

total: 5

add up all the number and repost this
as: MY MARRIAGE AGE IS — 25

I got accepted to University of California Irvine and California Polytechnic State University, Pomona. Economics in Irvine and Chemical Engineering in Pomona. Yey! But wait..

Dilemma..

I have always thought of myself as becoming a chemical engineer which should have been the deciding factor the moment I wasn’t offered chemical engineering at UC Irvine. But for valid reasons, I really want to be cautious with which path I would choose to pursue.

Option 1: Chemical Engineering at Cal Poly Pomona

Cal Poly Pomona has a really good reputation when it comes to their engineering program. I’ve heard that their program is really hands on and that it has a more personal feel (in terms of the teacher-student ratio as well as interaction). I also heard that they avoid teaching assistants doing the vast majority of the professors’ work compared to other universities.

Option 2: Economics at UC Irvine

UCs are the top universities here in California. Even though I wasn’t accepted at the best (UC Berekeley), UC Irvine is still up there. Unfortunately, I wasn’t offered Chemical Engineering (1st choice) but rather, Economics (2nd choice). Now, I could very well take Econ for fall and then transfer to Chemical Engineering by winter. It is a risk but it may actually pay off. Or I might actually like Econ and just stay with that major.

I should also consider the following:

Driving to school

The distance of both Cal Poly and UC Irvine from my house/work are fairly the same. Cal Poly is 32 minutes east of LA while UC Irvine is 45 minutes south of LA. Too close to call for a winner.

Living on campus

The year’s lease for housing at Cal Poly is approximately $8,500 while the cost for housing at UC Irvine is approximately $4,500. I would have to take a loan if I were to choose Pomona while my aid for UC Irvine would still be enough to pay for housing. Winner: Irvine!

Major

Cal Poly Pomona – chemical engineering. UC Irvine – economics. Engineer Rob sounds so good. And I love Chemistry and Math. Winner: Cal Poly Pomona. (But then again, as I’ve pointed out a while ago, I might be able to change my major the following semester)

So what do I do? I’ve asked a lot of people already and their opinions have been quite different. Some suggested Cal Poly right away, the others UC Irvine. My mom told me that she’d support whatever decision I make while my boss told me to research more about those two universities and go with my gut feel.

But I got these text messages that actually made my day:

Joey: Congrats on getting in to both universities! I think you should weigh your options and go with your gut feeling. It sounds like it will depend on what you see yourself doing after you graduate! Good luck either way! Congrats!!!

Yana: Whatever makes your heart beat faster at the mere thought of actually living a life you have always dreamt of.

I change my mind all the time. Ask those who know me and they’d tell you so. From the car I want to get, to relationships, to what I want to eat, and so on. But when it comes to being brave enough to stick with my decision, I follow through. I’ve got 27 days to decide. We’ll see what happens..