Complexities of a prince\’s life…

Me: Really? Could it take away all the demons that have been haunting me? Could it at least make me smile for even just a while? Could it?

–> Not our exact words. But close enough.

Someone anonymously sent me this text message. I was in Greenbelt that time and for some reason, I couldn’t see the moon. Then there were fireworks. (No, there ‘aint any earth-shattering meeting between two people) It’s just because it’s almost Christmas and I think that Greenbelt will be having fireworks everyday ‘till December 25th. :p

I didn’t smile. I just stared at the fireworks. I swear I could have thought at that instant that my reaction should have been: me smiling and thinking of how romantic that could have been if you were there. But it wasn’t.

I guess my reaction to the fireworks explains my reply to “someone.” Don’t get me wrong, I don’t really reply to anonymously sent messages. But this “someone” has been sending me text messages. He knows me. My name at least.

Not being able to smile at the fireworks made me want to leave there as fast as I could. I was walking away from Greenbelt and all I could see were couples enjoying the serenity of the night and the colorful fireworks display. It was just like a scene from movies or telenovelas. Being caught up in a romantic moment, seeing people madly in love with each other, thinking why your someone isn’t with you or hasn’t found you.

I need you. Once again, I find myself helpless. Help me, please.

I like you. I have, ever since. Things were different back then. But again, as fate would permit, our paths crossed once again.

I do not wish to hurt you. And I feel that as I become closer to you, the day would come that I’ll like you even more. And I feel as if each person that I try to be with ends up being hurt. This bothers me the most.

You are special to me. And I do not wish to hurt you. You have been such a wonderful person and just the thought that I might ruin things for you makes me think twice if I want to be closer to you. I just wish things aren’t as complicated as this. I’m keeping my distance to make sure that I won’t cause you harm.

But the more I try to be distant, the more I yearn for you. You are my medicine and I need you. I am sick of this crap life of mine and just the way you look at me makes this crappy life of mine seem less crappy. I deemed of the day where our story ends happily. Just like any other tale. Just like how Notting Hill ended.

It’s easy to say that loving is such a big risk. You just have to let your heart do the talking and it’s ok to be hurt. The problem only this time is that I don’t want to see you get hurt. I’m willing to sacrifice anything just to make sure that as our roads meet again, I do not cause any destruction as I normally do. I have imperfections and I’m afraid that these would hurt you in time. You are such a wonderful person (I know I’ve said this already).

I’m just scared. I need you badly. But I also need to be alone. Figure out things on my own. I might be making the biggest mistake of my life, but this is me. I’ll just have to settle for the fact that we weren’t meant to be. Not this time though. Maybe not even in this lifetime. Oh, if you only knew how much important you are to me. The way you make me be a better person. The way you show that you care for me.

I like you. I like you a lot. And it hurts me to see you there when I want you here, in my arms. It hurts me more to know that this is not our time.

Just tell me that everything’s gonna be alright. You know that I trust your words so much. So much, that if you’d tell me to jump I’ll jump.

Our time might come. It might not. Goodbye for now.

Let’s take your second “guy.” –> for lack of a better term. Despite how things turned out, I could honestly say that you didn’t lose the card game. How can anyone lose when one has loved? How can anyone lose if he/she knew how to love a person not for what people say about her/him (friends included) but for what that person meant for him/her? How can anyone lose when one has accepted what he/she will never be to that person? How can anyone lose when friendships weren’t damaged? How?

Forgive the cliche. You don’t know what the future holds. What you have is right now. What you have is hope. Hope, that someday, you’ll have your King of Hearts.

“That’s who I am, someone who is currently evolving and adjusting to find the right combination of who I really am..”