Complexities of a prince\’s life…

After all of this I would look at the whole experience and probably laugh at myself. Besides, every failures and disappointments along the way aren’t really failures and disappointments, but rather, lessons learned.

But being vulnerable at times isn’t something I am ashamed of. Yes, I’m 22 years old and the idea of knowing that there are weak moments I couldn’t handle is just plain reality.

I am proud of those moments where I could force a smile and try to look happy even though deep down inside I know that I am far from being ok. And prouder still, when I am alone and I could be myself even though it meant crying myself to sleep.

This is me and I am proud of what I am.

But for how long will I chose to live a life like this? I’m talking about the reason why I am far from being ok. Honestly, I don’t know.

How long will I wait? How long will I chose to remain in this bubble of not getting hurt once again and moving on?

I know that it will eventually come. I just know it. But it’s just amazing that with this current situation that I am experiencing, there are people who are there even for a simple phone call.

Thanks guys. It felt as if it was a pat on the back, saying everything’s going to be fine. And to think, I just met y’all a week ago. You’re right; I would have to focus more on what’s in front of me rather than mere possibilities and whatnot.

Of all the uncertainties and doubts, of all the questions and of things I desperately search, one thing’s for sure, I will be a stronger person at the end of the day.

After all of this I would look at the whole experience and probably laugh at myself. Besides, every failures and disappointments along the way aren’t really failures and disappointments, but rather, lessons learned.

But being vulnerable at times isn’t something I am ashamed of. Yes, I’m 22 years old and the idea of knowing that there are weak moments I couldn’t handle is just plain reality.

I am proud of those moments where I could force a smile and try to look happy even though deep down inside I know that I am far from being ok. And prouder still, when I am alone and I could be myself even though it meant crying myself to sleep.

This is me and I am proud of what I am.

But for how long will I chose to live a life like this? I’m talking about the reason why I am far from being ok. Honestly, I don’t know.

How long will I wait? How long will I chose to remain in this bubble of not getting hurt once again and moving on?

I know that it will eventually come. I just know it. But it’s just amazing that with this current situation that I am experiencing, there are people who are there even for a simple phone call.

Thanks guys. It felt as if it was a pat on the back, saying everything’s going to be fine. And to think, I just met y’all a week ago. You’re right; I would have to focus more on what’s in front of me rather than mere possibilities and whatnot.

Of all the uncertainties and doubts, of all the questions and of things I desperately search, one thing’s for sure, I will be a stronger person at the end of the day.

So 2007 is finally here. As if I really didn’t recognize that, in all the paperwork I have already finished. My 2007 didn’t really start the way I thought it would have, not completely that is.  

I’m back to work, which is totally fine with me. Y’all know how I love my work by now. And I’ll be volunteering again by next week. I miss the Braille and the warmth of the people in that facility.  

I already started with winter semester and I must say, very interesting class. The teacher is pretty laid back, not too much organization on his lecture, kind of spoon feeds the students, but I’ll take him rather than the one downstairs (which according to some, is way worse). Very diverse group of students and a couple of Flips ( a.k.a. Filipino haha! Just started using the term). I did my first speech and it was about Nelson Mandela, his professional accomplishments, educational background, as well as service to the community and how his life has become an inspiration to many. I was a bit nervous when I started (I volunteered to be the 1st speaker out of 25, don’t ask me why) but got comfortable a minute after starting. Overall, I think I did well. I hope so. Lol!  

***

You told me that my life would just go on. It will, but it will not be the same. I hope you read my emails. I will not elaborate about this here. 

***

I was almost hyperventilating the other day. Don’t ask why. I guess some things are too much to handle. Where’s my strength? I need it now more than ever…